outline suggestions for kate and yuxi

Dear Yuki,

I like the ideas that you want to put inside of your big paper. I like the fact that you talk about how technology is over used and how it is in everything u use. I also like when you talk about how technology is even in our love life. It seems to me like you have clear and detailed arguments and your thesis is also very clear and understanding. Your evidence is also good but i also what you to use one more source. I think you should definitely use andy's lectures as some of the evidence because we talked about how teenagers and een adults use digitalization to much. I don't know if I saw it, but some other evidence that I also think you should use is the interviews and surveys. Use the answersthat you have got from people on the street on how much technology they use. It would be good information if you pick the 2 or 3 of the best interviews that can mostly connect back to your thesis.

But other than that it seems like you have a good outline and you are ready to start writing your big paper! Like anybody else would say, make sure that you don't have any grammer or spelling mistakes. Otherwise start writing, I can't wait to read it!



Dear Kate,

I love love love your outline! It is very organized and it already has alot of information. It was so detailed that I thought it was your rough draft so you had me bugging out for minute saying to myself "where the heck is Kate's outline, all I see if a big rough draft" and little did I know that "big paper" was the outine. Silly me.

Anyway like how you have some of the exact evidence you are going to use for your paper. I like the fact how you made most of your arguments and paragrapghs already, and at that, have them analyzed already. I thought that was really good. Something that I want you to add to your paper is another piece of evidence. I like the fact that you have tons and tons of evidence of feed and WALL-E, but another IMPORTANT piece of evidence that I feel you should use, just like I told Yu-Xi, is Andy's lectures. They help so much and they can most definitelty connect back to your thesis. I'm not really undeerstanding what your thesis is saying, but from the looks at the body paragrapghs its talking about how these digital devices is blocking us from the real world, and I know for a fact that Andy has talked about that.

Other than that you are VERY ready to start your paper, if I was you I would use this outline as your rough draft. Just add a little parts to it and 1 or 2 more pieces of evidence. Also make sure your grammer and spelling is good. Great Job, I look foward into reading your paper!!!