HW 36 - triangle partner help

Kate,

"People plays roles to fit in, fitting in to become cool, cool gets us attention and all play as distractions from what is really missing in our lives."

I think this is an excellent rough draft. I feel that it should be your actual draft if you tell me. Your idea's that you explain in your paper is very thorough. In each topic that you talk about in your paper is well explained and has alot of detail. Also some of the evidence you have in your paper definitely connects back to your thesis, which is also a reason why your paper so far is good. Your essay flows lovely and I think you really have a lot of information to prove your thesis.

When you brought up the hair topic I felt that it really connected to your thesis when you said t5hat people try and fit in just so they can be cool. I do agree with you when you said "Many people always change their style to fit in and be cool.". I agree because this is exactly what they do and I see it with my own eyes sometimes. People like to have these trendy hairstyles just so they CAN fit in and it is meaningless like you said. Overall


So to make your grade perfect just fix your: Spelling and grammar and try and add a little more information to each of arguments. This is just so your paper could be the best that it can be.

So far your draft is in great condition! You've got alot done and I can"t wait to see what you have to add to you final draft, if there is even more to put in! (thats a good thing =]


Amber,

"We adapt them and make them our own and try to hide this fact, when someone finds this out then we are automatically considered a follower."

I lke the fact that you said "we" rather than excluding yourself from the situation with cool that we all have no matter what. I also like the fact that you said that we are all followers. Cause when you actually think about it, It would be impossible to start a trend because 9 times out of 10, some body has already started that trend already. So technically we are following them even if we dont know them. Thats just what I think. But this is a great rough draft! You really have your information together, and your arguments are really good. I like how you explain each argument and each piece of evidence that you have. When you said "We all make a “first impression” based on what we wear, how we speak, etc… we become the one being observed and it depends on what the observer wants to steal away from us.", I though that was a great statement. I felt this way because that was exactly what I was trying to prove in the beginning of this comment. It's so true because that all people do and at times they don't even realize it until someone actuallyas to tell them. This essay flows good and I like how you smoothly go from one argument from another. It isn't choppy at all and thats what makes a good essay. A smooth essay with good evidence and good arguments is a good paper, and YOU HAVE THAT!

This is definitely a good paper, jus make sure when you put up your final paper to put spaces between each paragraph and check for grammar and spelling. Other than that, GREAT WORK!! =]